Tarantula Awareness Festival - 10/27/12

Yes, it's an irrational fear.  So, sue me!

Tarantula Awareness Festival
Coarsegold, CA

Interesting name for a festival, Madera County.  I'm already pretty aware of the existence of tarantulas...mainly because they scare the crap out of me.

With Halloween around the corner, there's no shortage of pumpkin patches, lame haunted houses, and costume contests featuring women clad in "naughty" versions of every occupation imaginable.  For those looking for something more unique, search no further: the historic village of Coarsegold has you covered.

More than just a roundup of creepy tarantulas and their owners, the festival provides an entire day of activities that include food (thank God) and several contests that don't involve touching the aforementioned arachnids.  Bring your best pumpkin cake, forego shaving for the hairy leg contest (women, too!), or arrive with an empty belly in preparation for the pizza eating competition.  If partaking in the latter, you'll be happy to know that fifteen minutes of Jazzercise will occur mid-afternoon.

Dress up the kids decorate a pumpkin, and hold a tarantula - if you dare.

Pismo Beach Clam Festival - 10/19/12 - 10/21/12

The only thing missing is my fork.

Pismo Beach Clam Festival
Pismo Beach, CA

As if living in an oceanside community isn't enough, the residents of Pismo Beach have to flaunt their camaraderie and community involvement each year with their exciting Clam Festival!

Pismo boasts a laid-back, yet sophisticated lifestyle with plenty of beach activity and arguably the best cinnamon rolls on the coast (I'm talking about YOU, Old West).  The annual Clam Festival kicks off with a Wine Walk on Friday night and continues throughout the weekend with live music, entertainment, a chowder cook-off (naturally) and even a clam dig. Saturday morning's parade is a showcase of local talent, businesses, schools and any other groups who enjoy marching in formation.

Have a few bucks handy to participate in chowder tasting, and B.Y.O.B.B. (Bring Your Own Bread Bowl) if you're fancy like that.

Riverbank Cheese & Wine Exposition - 10/13/12 - 10/14/12

These should get me through the weekend.

Riverbank Cheese & Wine Exposition
Riverbank, CA

My favorite thing to do at events like these is to compliment how well someone "cuts the cheese" as they slice into a big block of cheddar.

Actually, that never happens.  I'm far too immature to pull that off with a straight face.

I'm not sure what exactly defines this as an exposition; all that really matters is that there's a ton of cheese and wine for the taking...and that's never a bad thing.  On top of that, over 200 vendors will be selling crafts, antiques, and non-queso-related snacks to balance out all that dairy.

Stroll around, sip some wine, and finally learn what "bandaged cheddar" is so you can finally sleep at night.

Santa Barbara Harbor & Seafood Festival - 10/13/12

Toothpicks?  Am I supposed to share?

Santa Barbara Harbor & Seafood Festival
Santa Barbara, CA

We get it, Santa Barbara.  You are awesome.  Your people are beautiful, your scenery is breathtaking, and your possibilities for fun and adventure are seemingly limitless.

Must you rub it in with a freaking seafood festival?

I give up.  I'll enjoy forkfuls or crab as I stroll along the harbor, watching kayakers soak up the sun.  I'll plant my butt in the shade of a tree with a bisected lobster, swathed with clarified butter, wishing that was my houseboat with the golden retriever napping on deck.  I'll watch chefs master the art of crab cakes and cioppino, then end the day with a leisurely boat tour, witnessing a spectacular sunset unmatched by anything in Elk Grove.

Is that what you want, Santa Barbara?  For me to experience, for one day, a magically delicious event in an ideal climate and picturesque setting?  With free admission?  Okay, if you insist.

The Brady Bunch House

Nine people in one house and only the maid
gets a room to herself.  Hmm...

The Brady Bunch House
Los Angeles, CA

My inner stalker couldn't wait to find this destination during my last visit to Los Angeles.  I'll refrain from listing the actual address here so the owner(s) can't blame me when you linger too long with your telephoto lens.

The Brady Bunch was the rerun show to watch if (1) you were stuck indoors during summers in the 1980s and (2) your grandfather/babysitter had cable television.  At precisely 1:35pm each  weekday, I'd be parked in front of a 50-pound cube-shaped television tuned to TBS, and my world would stop.  My attention hung on every word spoken by six kids who shared a bathroom with no visible toilet.

Fast forward two decades and change, and I found myself parked in front of the very home used in the sitcom's exterior shots.  No, the show was not filmed inside this one-story abode.  First of all, how many shows are actually filmed inside real homes?  Second of all, the show clearly featured a two-story home with an attic!  Third, I'm going to assume this backyard isn't lined with astroturf.

I parked around the corner and waited for the homeowner to finish watering her front lawn before snapping a few shots.  This may not have been on my bucket list, but it brought back a flood of childhood memories and provided an overwhelming feeling of nostalgia. Groovy.

Calaveras Grape Stomp - 10/06/12

These will get your juices flowing!

Calaveras Grape Stomp
Murphys, CA

If you've never considered whether this event might be heaven for podophiliacs, maybe now you have.

Perhaps second only to that other big Calaveras contest involving frogs, the Grape Stomp is a popular annual tradition that draws teams from all over, some costumed, to see who can most effectively pulverize delicious, slippery juicy grapes...with their bare feet.  Stompers crush the grapes underneath their weight while their partners, the swabbers, stand outside of the barrel to catch the resulting juice.

Initial heats lead to the semi-finals, and the best of the best advance to the Championship Stomp.  After all that foot juicing, you've got to wonder if that's what leads to toe jam.  Come on, people...grapes...jam...toes...I made that work.

Gold Nugget Museum

Eureka!

Gold Nugget Museum

Paradise, CA

Television shows such as "Gold Rush Alaska" and "Gold Fever" have inspired a new generation of wannabe prospectors hoping to find flakes and nuggets at the bottoms of their gold pans or in the ridges of  their sluice boxes.  Since the late 1840s, individuals have migrated to California, searching high and low in hopes of striking it rich.

The Gold Nugget Museum houses a collection of exhibits and publications about the gold rush era and is staffed entirely by volunteers. The Museum hosts events throughout the year, such as Tent City, where you can see how the miners lived and learn panning and mining techniques.  The Miss Gold Nugget Pageant is open to high school juniors who not only must create their own gold rush period dresses, but submit portfolios as well.

If chilly metal folding chairs don't bother you, ask a docent to pop in one of the many DVDs they show throughout the day.  If you're lucky enough to catch the same film I did, John Lithgow will merrily narrate a fascinating history of the trials and tribulations of the miners, complete with how they travelled and what they ate.  Docents are happy to supplement the stories with additional information and suggest other educational materials.  Be sure to leave a donation to keep the Museum running!