Petaluma Butter & Egg Days - 04/28/12 - 04/29/12

Please don't hit on THESE chicks.

Petaluma Butter & Egg Days
Petaluma, CA

I never get tired of festivals.  I love pancake breakfasts, marching bands, and poor saps cleaning up after nervous horses during parades; and when a festival also features a Cow Chip Throwing Contest, I HAVE TO be there.

Petaluma is one of the premier dairy regions in the country, and Butter & Eggs Days celebrates the area's rich agricultural history.  Drawing thousands of attendees annually, the event boasts a parade with over 3,000 participants as well as a seemingly never-ending block-long outdoor food court.

Browse the local shops and take time perusing the Antique Fair (Sunday only).  Be sure to catch the traditional Cutest Little Chick Contest which awards prizes to egg-ceptional dairy-related costumes.  I hope you laughed at that one.

The Grilled Cheese Invitational - 04/28/12

Tillamook, today you are my best friend.

The Grilled Cheese Invitational
Pasadena, CA

Ah, Grilled Cheese...the quintessential comfort food.  Some pair it tomato soup, others pair it with a nice, crisp salad.

I prefer pairing it with two more Grilled Cheese!

This event is the motherlode of all that is bread, butter and queso.  Kraft Singles?  No, thanks.  Think provolone.  Emmental.  Aged Swiss and cheddar.  And if you're feeling gutsy, herbed goat cheese.

I tried that last cheese on pita bread with yet another unidentifiable herbed cheese. Shortly thereafter, I threw in the towel.

You can attend the GCI as a mere spectator, watching multiple heats of grilling competitions, while munching on offerings from numerous specialty vendors and food trucks.  Only a few bucks more will allow you to participate as a judge, sampling and rating entries from any number of amateur chefs in categories ranging from classic to dessert-style sandwiches.  The day becomes even more festive with the addition of the Poetry Contest and Cheese-Calling Competitions.

Check out this event.  It's GRATE!  Get it?  Cheese...grater...oh, nevermind.

Stockton Asparagus Festival - 4/27/12 - 04/29/12

We've got spear-it!

Stockton Asparagus Festival
Stockton, CA

Years ago, the Asparagus Festival featured a fabulous Elton John impersonator/performer.  Another year, the debut of Asparagus Ice Cream. Later, the introduction of a contest in which members of the International Federation of Competitive Eating (IFOCE) vying for the championship title at the Deep Fried Asparagus Eating Contest.

It just gets better and better!

This festival has outgrown its humble beginnings on the north side of town and has moved downtown to the Stockton Waterfront.  Parking may be a bit further away, but you no longer have to walk through a dirt field now (and admit it, you could use the exercise).

But, that's besides the point.  The focus here is ASPARAGUS - deliciously firm, bright green stalks which are generally good for your health unless you take a break from your diet (ha) and opt for the popular specialty, Deep Fried Asparagus.  Love it as much as I do? Sign up for the Deep Fried Asparagus Eating Contest and you may find yourself competing against the famous mouths of Eater X, Pat Bertoletti and Joey Chestnut.

Did I mention the last time I watched Bertoletti, he was washing down dish after dish of spears with fruit punch?  Now that's a competitor!

Borax Visitor Center

Not meant for human consumption
(in the U.S.A.)!

Borax Visitor Center
Boron, CA

Believe it or not, there are times when I'd rather take a tour that is not food-related. When, you ask?

Right after a big lunch!

The Borax tour fits the bill, as there is nothing appetizing about borax deposits.  The subject matter is fascinating, nonetheless, if you consider the fact that the same mineral used as a fire retardant and anti-fungal compound can also be found in cosmetics and used as a food additive - outside of the United States, of course.  Bon appetit!

The museum contains information about borax mining, processing, distribution and usage in a number of familiar products.  A brief film explains the Borax story; the pit unveiled thereafter allows visitors to witness ongoing mining activities.

So the next time you find yourself lost along the 58 because you took a wrong turn to Disneyland, or you're trying to avoid Disneyland altogether, enjoy an education pit (ha!) stop at the low price of $3 per carload.  Cheap thrills for the entire family!

SactoMoFo 4 - 04/21/12

Sunscreen, people, sunscreen!

SactoMoFo 4
Sacramento, CA

Besides unemployment (boo), nothing has caught on so quickly in recent months like the food truck scene in Sacramento.  Come to think of it, the two concepts may go hand in hand: those with decreased incomes, but not decreased appetites, are looking for new ways to treat themselves without the hassle of restaurants, servers and tipping.

The Sacramento Mobile Food Festival (or SactoMoFo for those who like names that sound dirty, but aren't) brings mobile food as far away as the Bay Area to give locals the opportunity to taste unique creations each truck brings to the table, so to speak.  As an added bonus, those in line receive free tans or sunburns as the most popular trucks can have queues as long as two hours.

At the forefront of the festival is the support of a local community which continues to balk at city regulations requiring Sacramento's food trucks to change their locations every 30 minutes.  Luckily, diners can hunt down their trucks of choice on Facebook and Twitter, allowing them to satisfy their cravings for sliders, pork buns or escargot lollipops as owners play "musical trucks" to satisfy government officials.  Way to keep gas stations in business, Sacramento.

California Nut Festival - 04/21/12

Bring your own nutcracker!

California Nut Festival
Chico, CA

Nuts carry extraordinary health benefits: eating 50 grams of nuts a day may reduce the risk of diabetes and heart disease.  50 grams of chocolate-covered salted caramel peanut clusters?  Not so much.

Wrap your mouth around all the nuts you can handle at this Chico festival being held at the gorgeous Patrick Ranch Museum.  The main event includes food and beverage tastings from bakeries, caterers and wineries and the opportunity to meet (and thank!) local farmers and retailers. Enjoy local bands on two stages while perusing the art show or learning more about the cultivation and appreciation of these protein-packed goodies.

By the way, arachibutyrophobia is the fear of getting peanut butter stick to the roof of your mouth.  And to think I get chastised for my fear of spiders...

Sky High Sports

Lung capacity, meet your match!

Sky High Sports
Various Locations, CA

Walking in, I halfway expected to hear a constant loop of the Pointer Sisters. Or Van Halen.  Or Kriss Kross.  Or House of Pain.  You know what I mean.

At Sky High Sports, kids and adults alike are literally bouncing off the walls...and floors, too.  Organized activities such as Dodgeball Tournaments are available, or you can choose to free-bounce at an hourly rate.  Better yet, why not plan a child's birthday here, where kids can tire themselves so quickly, the effects of that sugary birthday cake are all but diminished?  OK, maybe that sounds too easy.

The popular AIRobics class is an insane way to maximize caloric burn in 50 minutes.  Think jumping is a piece of cake?  Six laps around a trampoline course can be quite humbling.  Ever-moving surfaces challenge your core muscle groups, making the simplest push-ups, sit-ups and jump squats a notch more difficult.  Don't even get me started on the relay races!

Insider's tip: snack, jump, THEN go for that big breakfast.  Consider the ramifications otherwise.

Fallbrook Avocado Festival - 04/15/12

Got tortilla chips?

Fallbrook Avocado Festival
Fallbrook, CA

I still remember my first time tasting "real" guacamole.  Up until then I wasn't too fond of the stuff, considering my only encounter with it was those shallow containers sold in the grocery store dairy section with what looked like green sour cream inside.

My parents took me to El Torito, and moments after placing our dinner order a quiet little man came to our table carrying a huge tray with halved avocados, onions, tomatoes, limes, cilantro and spices.  He carefully scooped the creamy flesh from the fruit and blended it with the rest of the ingredients, topping it off with a few squeezes of lime.  It was chunky!  It was colorful!  It actually smelled like something!  And, it soon became apparent that we would need more than the singular basket of chips that were provided.

Learning to appreciate the avocado was one of my first lessons of adulthood.  I felt like I had some sort of insider tip or learned some great culinary secret.  Truth us, evidence of avocado use dates back to around 10,000 B.C. in Mexico.  Naturally.

Although the community of Fallbrook hasn't celebrated this fruit for quite that long, they have had ample time to perfect a festival giving homage to everything avocado-related.  Feeling competitive?  Bedazzle your avocado for the Best-Dressed Avocado Contest or doll up your kids to compete for the titles of Little Miss and Mister Avocado.  The Guacamole Contest is always a huge draw, as would be expected, along with the Largest Avocado Contest.

The less enthusiastic can kick back with some wine and beer tasting while listening to the Battle of the Bands or some relaxing flamenco or mariachi.  Ole!

The National Yo-Yo Museum

Don't try this at home.

The National Yo-Yo Museum
Chico, CA

This museum boasts as many yo-yoers as a Weight Watchers meeting, and even features a 256-pounder!  I'm referring, of course, to a working 256-pound yo-yo which was once a world record holder.

The National Yo-Yo Museum houses a truly extensive collection of yo-yos, international memorabilia, print ads and other items such as cereal box premiums.  Gather inspiration from performance videos shown on-site or from one of several hobbyists practicing their skills on any given day.  Take some lessons to refine your abilities at Walking the Dog or the Double Gerbil (!); once you've mastered those without clocking your grandmother in the head, consider entering a regional contest in order to work your way up to the National Championship held each October in Chico.

Having difficulty Splitting the Atom?  Keep practicing.  Like yo-yos themselves, life has its ups and downs.

The Prince and Michael Experience - 04/07/12

I want one of these!

The Prince and Michael Experience

San Francisco, CA

I'd like to meet the geniuses behind this event who thought that two DJs battling via Prince and Michael Jackson classics, rare tracks and remixes would attract a crowd.  No, really.  They're geniuses.

"Experience" partygoers have celebrated the music of Prince and MJ for nearly a decade.  These events, held in multiple cities, pay homage to two of the greatest musicians of the 80s, also known as the greatest decade in music history to everyone in my household, including my dog.

Will "Say, Say, Say" be featured?  Probably.  "Batdance"?  One can only dream.

Barry R. Kirshner Wildlife Foundation

Meow!

Barry R. Kirshner Wildlife Foundation

Durham, CA

Lions and tigers and bears...seven bucks!

This sanctuary houses and cares for exotic animals from all over the world, including those with special needs like injuries and other medical conditions.  Coming from both captivity and the wild, this collection of creatures includes foxes, lemurs, servals, wallabies and several varieties of reptiles.  The Foundation provides educational programs on-site and throughout the local communities, and depends on donations and grants to sustain the business.

Guided tours are available, but (unlike the animals) you're also free to roam about and watch as massive snow leopards and bobcats are fed and attended to by handlers who'll happily answer your questions.

Over 1,000 pounds of meat are fed to the animals each day.  After witnessing a Siberian Tiger devour chicken parts, bones and all, you may rethink that Popeye's lunch you were planning on.