Sacramento Wine & Dine - 05/30/12 - 06/10/12

Use these, you savage!

Sacramento Wine & Dine
Sacramento, CA

I have trust issues.  Let's just get that out right now.

A co-worker once offered me a confection shipped in from some foreign country.  A newbie at my office, I wanted to fit in...appear brave...look like a bad-ass, if you will: "Give that to me - I'll try anything!"

Moments later, I had a mouth full of stale, crumbly powder.  It tasted like feet.

Luckily, the chefs of the establishments featured during Sacramento Wine & Dine are far more trustworthy, creating special 3- or 4-course prix fixe meals that appeal to the masses.  Some even offer wine pairings, which is great because I'd never guess that one wine could complement arancini, pear salad with goat cheese AND rabbit pappardelle.  Lesson learned!

Try out a new restaurant or two, give in to the chefs' choices, and for the love of God always have a chaser available.  You can thank me later.

Patterson Apricot Fiesta - 06/01/12 - 06/03/12

Enjoy...before your arm is broken!

Patterson Apricot Fiesta
Patterson, CA

Some things are just made for each other: peanut butter and jelly, clam chowder and sourdough bread bowls, apricots and arm wrestling.

Yes, arm wrestling!

Let's face it: Californians are blessed with living in a state where festivals are a dime a dozen.  If you're going to draw thousands of people to yours, you better have an event worthy of the drive to Patterson.  At the Apricot Fiesta, this event would be the annual Arm Wrestling Contest.

This contest is the real deal.  There's a stage.  There are weigh-ins.  There are contestants whose wrestling arms are considerably larger than their other arms.  And, there are waivers required which hold the promoters harmless should Bluto rip off your appendage in the process.

Come for the apricots, stay for the smell of testosterone in the air!

Chandelier Drive-Thru Tree

Attention, Hummers:  Forget it!

Chandelier Drive-Thru Tree
Leggett, CA

The Chandelier Tree is quite possibly the best thing to come out of the 1930s...besides my grandmother.

Also known as the "Drive-Thru Tree", it is just that: a titan of a Sequoia hollowed out at the bottom so tourists can marvel as their automobiles (hopefully) cruise right through. Some roll their windows down so they can touch the inside of the tree.  Others ponder whether their vehicles will get wedged inside, and the rest of us wait patiently with video cameras and smirks on our faces hoping to God that they do.

After visiting the Chandelier Tree, I wanted to phone my mother to tell her I'd just driven into a massive redwood; then, I realized it's probably not a good idea to induce a heart attack when you're four and a half hours from home.

Larkspur Flower & Food Festival - 05/27/12

Bring Allegra...just in case.

Larkspur Flower & Food Festival
Larkspur, CA

I have a love-hate relationship with flowers.

I loved my high school and college job, working as a cashier in my aunt's and uncle's flower shop inside the Weberstown Mall in Stockton, California.  When I wasn't assembling bouquets or fashioning boutonnieres, I was either finishing up homework, glued to whatever soap opera was on the black-and-white TV next to the register, or shoving fistfuls of caramel corn from Mr. Sib's in my mouth...all for seven bucks an hour.

On the other hand, I also spent an entire college semester gagging for two hours, twice a week, as I was stuck in a classroom with no windows and in close proximity to one particular student, Monica, with a penchant for lavender-scented perfume and the inability to apply anything less than half a bottle right before class.

Lucky for me, Larkspur holds this festival out in the fresh air - at the foot of Mt. Tamalpais, to be exact.  Enjoy the beauty of the flora while sampling the area's best gourmet foods as locals have done for over 20 years.  Live music and a kids' corner round out this family-friend event.

Festivals tend to have at least one BBQ vendor, which is where you'll find me if I happen to spot Monica in the crowd.  On the other hand, is it considered assault if you Febreze someone?

Arroyo Grande Strawberry Festival - 05/26/12 - 05/27/12

Each exterior "seed" is actually an individual ovary.
You're welcome!

Arroyo Grande Strawberry Festival
Arroyo Grande, CA

Any time a festival makes it to the pages of Sunset Magazine, attendance will increase out of sheer curiosity.  Visitors are advised to make lodging arrangements six months in advance, for crying out loud!

Beautiful Arroyo Grande is the little village you'd imagine if you pictured...well, the quintessential California village.  Lined with shops and restaurants, it's the ideal setting for thousands of festival-goers to enjoy a pancake breakfast, live music, rides and games, cook-offs and anything else that could possibly be strawberry-related.

Registration for the Strawberry Stampede Run/Walk takes place in Heritage Square.  Walk if you must, but keep in mind that you'll return to find strawberry funnel cakes, shortcakes, ice creams and more staring you in the face.  That should motivate you to pick up the pace a bit.

Sacramento Beekeeping Supplies

What's the buzz all about?  Find out for yourself!

Sacramento Beekeeping Supplies
Sacramento, CA

After my visit here, I may never buy honey from a grocery store again.

I arrived mildly curious about what it takes and costs to start up a nice little hive, and whether they sold those huge hats and veils in case I ever needed an impromptu Halloween costume as Lady Gaga.

Two steps into the store, I saw something that grabbed my attention; I immediately made a beeline (ha!) to the honey tasting bar.

Just as wines can be differentiated by the grapes and the regions from which they came, honey takes on subtle flavor notes according to the flowers visited by the bees.  At the tasting bar, you can sample honeys that taste like berries, butterscotch or oranges.  My favorite, Coastal Wildflower, is a rich, almost caramel-like flavor that you can eat from a spoon as if it were an ice cream sundae topping.  If I could, I'd bring my own buttermilk biscuits next time.

The mixed flower honeys, including Coastal Wildflower, are kept warm in large dispensers.  Bring your own container or purchase inexpensive jars and plastic squeeze bears and they'll fill them up for only a few bucks a pound.

Besides honey and beekeeping supplies, you'll find honey-based confections, soap and candle making items, and health products such as propolis and royal jelly, a substance secreted by worker bees' head glands and used in some skin care products.  Why not rub that all over your face?

Castroville Artichoke Festival - 05/19/12 - 05/20/12

Handle with care.  You've been warned!

Castroville Artichoke Festival
Castroville, CA

Artichokes are quite possibly the most passively aggressive member of the vegetable family.  I mean, you have to do some serious work to get to the good stuff.  Pick one up with anything more than the gentlest grip, and you'll feel as if you're being violently stabbed in the palm by toothpicks. But once you hack off some of the top, trim the prickly leaves, and steam, you're left with soft, tender leaves and some delicious tooth-scraping time in your near future.

Castroville has been celebrating America's favorite thistle for over five decades.  After filling up on artichokes that have been fried, creamed, pickled and made into pizza, you can partake in a tour of an artichoke patch and learn how this tough-as-nails food is cultivated and harvested.  I'm assuming (and secretly hoping) that machetes are involved.

ZinFest - 05/18/12 - 05/20/12

Gorgeous (the flower, too)!

Zinfest
Lodi, CA

FINALLY.  Three days of wine and food, conveniently located within 30 minutes from my home.  Is this a dream?

Friday's Vintner's Grille at Lodi Lake will pair some of the region's best local cuisine with area wines in a casual, but elegant setting.  I'm not sure what the "colorful festivities" they advertise are, but it sure sounds classy.

Step it up a notch on Saturday, when you can sample over 250 wines from dozens of Lodi wineries.  Shop for gifts, attend cooking schools led by culinary experts, and join a wine workshop to learn what vintage pairs best with Cheez Whiz.

On Sunday, walk off those calories from Friday and Saturday...then replace them as you nibble your way through winery open houses.  Paella?  Check.  Cheese balls?  Check. Tums?  Check.

Don't know the definition of "moderation"?  Be sure to pick up a Zinfest souvenir sun visor, which will come in handy Monday morning as you hang your head in hungover shame.

Folsom Prison Museum

Shoplifters, beware!

Folsom Prison Museum

Represa, CA

Ever since I watched "Escape from Alcatraz" as a young girl, I've been fascinated with the prison system. I've watched umpteen episodes of "Cops", my DVR is set to record every episode of "Jail", and my first night tour of Alcatraz made me feel like a kid in a candy store.

Don't get me wrong...I don't want to ever go to prison, at least not in the traditional sense.  But I'd tour any penitentiary that allowed it.  I just have no interest in a daily routine consisting of uncomfortable bedding, chilly temperatures, bland cuisine, and, in the case of Folsom prisoners in the 1880s, having to dump my bucket of "night waste" into a communal drain tunnel right before breakfast.  Finger foods, anyone?

Folsom has enjoyed a long history since the late 1880s when it was constructed to relieve the overcrowding at San Quentin.  Like most facilities, it has seen escape attempts and deaths of both prisoners and prison employees alike.  Death by hanging was common there until 1942.  The prison even hosted several live performances by country star Johnny Cash.

Museum admission is a mere two bucks, with a portion of the proceeds benefiting several charitable organizations.  Watch a video portraying everyday prison life, take a look at a mock cell, and inspect a wall of confiscated homemade weapons.

On your way home, drive safely, ensuring at least one more night in a warm, comfy bed.

The Sacramento SPCA Spring Book Sale - 05/12/12 - 05/20/12

Buy a book, help a pup!

The Sacramento SPCA Spring Book Sale
Sacramento, CA

If I could pinpoint the exact reason or moment or whatever it is that makes an avid young reader suddenly despise books altogether, I'd probably be a rich girl.

In grade school, I adored books.  I loved reading and being whisked away to a faraway land.  I enjoyed going to the library and perusing the colorful book covers and choosing the most interesting-looking one (this was before I learned that whole "don't judge a book by its cover" concept - thanks, Judy Blume).

Once I hit high school, it was all over.  Why are these textbooks so boring?  Where are the wonderfully animated illustrations?  And, more importantly, why am I breaking my back carrying around forty pounds of them five days a week?  I guess the love affair had ended.

The Sacramento SPCA's Spring Book Sale is a great place to get reacquainted with your favorite authors or genres at reasonable prices.  Books are gently used, span every subject imaginable and all proceeds benefit the SPCA.  There are thousands to choose from, and rightfully so - this is a nine-day event!

Pick up a book (or a dozen), set your laptop/iPad/Kindle aside, and enjoy the satisfaction of curling up with a good read once again. You still remember how to turn pages, right?  Right.

Chocolate Festival - 05/12/12

Who's got the graham crackers and marshmallows?

Chocolate Festival
Encinitas, CA

If your Grandma's going to drag you to a botanic garden, allergies and all, you may as well get something out of it, right?

After popping Allegra and hoping for the best, steer Nana to the chocolate vendors to sample truffles, toffee, pastries and more.  She can peruse jewelry, crafts and plants (of course) while you commandeer the chocolate fountain, systematically shoving marshmallow after chocolate-covered marshmallow down your throat.

Suggest you both take a breather in the Walled Garden while learning to make tarts, cake pops and grilled desserts.  Enjoy the live music, and hope it takes your mind off the fact that you can no longer breathe through your nose.

Confusion Hill

Ice cream AND scientific anomalies?  Viva America!

Confusion Hill
Piercy, CA

A great place for a bathroom break, Confusion Hill has something for everyone: a Redwood Shoehouse and Totem Pole providing adorable photo opps for the kids, a Mountain Train Ride for railfans, and a Gravity House to humble those who think they can easily explain how balls can roll uphill.

The Gravity House is the real star here.  Unlike the similar, popular attraction in Santa Cruz, this one does not offer a guided tour; visitors are allowed to roam the property at their own pace, and the lack of explanation possibly adds even more fun to it all.  Hang from a bar at a seemingly exaggerate angle, watch your water bottle roll uphill, and wonder why taking one step into this mystery spot makes you instantly queasy.

Been there, done that?  Eh, go balance a rock.  No, really!  A small area is devoted to the Rock Balancing Challenge, which may sound super lame until you find yourself trying to outdo past visitors in the accompanying photos, grumbling "I can do better than that!" under your breath.

The Magic Castle

Properly parallel parking on a hill will be your first trick.

The Magic Castle
Hollywood, CA

A large part of the mystique surrounding The Magic Castle is how to gain entrance in the first place!

Home of the Academy of Magical Arts, Inc. and its thousands of members, the Castle is an exclusive club which promotes the art of magic and preserves its long history.  Only members and guests of those members are allowed admission.  Magicians from all over the world descend upon the Castle to amaze audiences, often over elegant meals served in a Victorian setting.

Members enjoy access to numerous resources such as books, videos and periodicals as well as the opportunity to participate in lectures given by experts in the field.  If you're simply a fan of the magical arts, you can become an Associate Member.  Think you're the next David Copperfield?  Prove it by applying for Magician Membership, and you'll be interviewed by a committee and asked to demonstrate a ten-minute routine in an area of magic of their choosing.

Hot shots who fail miserably will likely choose a disappearing act as their final trick.